The Money Shot in Iowa

I remind myself constantly that cameras - while they may not lie exactly - only reveal snapshots.  How many times have you been questioned about the look on your face in a photo, "Were you mad?"  "What was so funny?" "What Were you thinking about?"  Most of the time you won't remember, unless the photo is especially meaningful to you in some way.  Maybe it's as simple as your nose was itching, you remembered a forgotten task, you had a foot cramp or actually, you have no idea why your mouth turned up or your forehead wrinkled.  Looking at photos of my own self, I often wonder, What Was I Thinking??

Cameras hyper-focus the audience on the face and body language of its subjects.  During presidential debates, we have these two-hour time frames watching televised debates to stare at (and listen to) people talk and display a whole range of emotion, physical reaction and thought.  What  looks  like an arrogant smirk may well be the result of holding back a fart.  These are, after all, human beings.  Farts and all.

Images from televised debates are incredibly powerful influencers because we are generally such a visual society.  Also, because we are vain and so attracted to perfection and so fickle, we are always looking for that one tell-tale moment when the candidate reveals the full Monty with that one  expression (the money shot?).

I think these GOP (and most) candidates are courageous and patriotic and ultimately, love America.  I had a moment last night while watching the debate where I was overcome with patriotism.   I watched the people on stage in various camera angles, up-close-and-personal, and I just felt so strongly about all of them.  I was proud and touched by their courage to be up there. I was overcome with gratitude to be an American and I thought, for a minute, that these candidates are all mostly good, or want to be, and mostly trustworthy and mostly meant, or wish they meant, everything they said.  It was weird.

All of that, I think, is a result of  'seeing' the people instead of  just hearing them.  I can't help but wonder how much that affects my opinion and I am trying hard not to let it.  I often wonder how just 'hearing' and not 'seeing' the campaigns of 2008 would have changed the result.


Like so many other people watching, I am listened for ideas and issues that speak to me directly and which represent my exact vision of my country.  Therein, of course, lies the real debate.  What, exactly, is my vision?    
                                                                                             
I am certainly not liberal but I am also no longer a strict conservative.  Libertarian ideas appeal to

Here, Put this on..

me but I refuse to try on Ron Paul's tin-foil cap--although I have toyed with the idea.    Other than the isolationist concepts, he has a couple of appealing platforms.

I want to like Bachmann.  After watching the debates (so far) I am starting to warm back up to her, although, she seems a bit high-maintenance for the job.  How long exactly, does all that make-up take her to apply  everyday?  I know, I know.  Shallow.  I don't like any kind of religion in my politics but I do believe that we should base decisions on goodness and justice.   All of that goodness mostly comes from God, doesn't it?   Whole 'nuther subject there.  Extremism scares me.

I like Santorum.  I actually, probably, like him the most.  But - there's that whole religion thing again.  I just don't really give a shit what gay people do.  Get married, don't get married.  I don't care.  I do believe in a strong family unit and I don't think it is affected by what gay people do or don't do.  Either you are gay - or not.  Period.  I'm not.  My family unit looks pretty typical.  I don't mind if my neighbor's does not.

Huntsman 'appears' to be a bit smug and over-confident.  Maybe he just has gas.  I have no idea what he represents and honestly, I have not studied him much.


Romney.  I like him.  He does not appear to be base business decisions on any weird, cultish, Mormon philosophy.  He just seems like a regular Christian guy who is smart and decisive and a savvy business man.  He does make stupid faces while he listens to the other candidates.  I bet he never farts.

Perry- I just don't know.  Hard not to like a cowboy from Texas.  He seems a little slippery.  I worry about international affairs with him on the throne.  Is he smart enough?  Would he be true to American values or be another bumbling goober like our current president?  Texas is one of the only states that is still thriving.  That says something.




Ultimately, Gingrich appears to be the wisest, smartest and most qualified. 

I think I would be fairly comfortable with any of them, except Ron Paul.  I would be okay with him as VP though because Biden has proved that office to be fairly useless.

Leave the Head and Walk Away

Lets play a little game

Blame it on the social network society- but I have become like a cat who plays with a mouse before I eat it and walk away, leaving its head and feet  for my human to step on and scream.   I’m not the only one.  I see it more and more on Facebook and blog banter.  I'm not sure I like it.

This all occurred to me today when I toyed cruelly with an unsuspecting dumbass who attacked me on Facebook.  I knew it was cruel because I felt nothing.  I wasn’t angry.  I wasn’t defensive.   I wasn’t hurt. I wasn't afraid.  I was, in fact, amused.   I did what I had to do.  I baited and re-baited the trap and watched it snap and snap and snap.  And I laughed.   The laughing was guttural and snorty, from deep in my chest and sinus cavity.   Not the wholesome kind of open-mouthed donkey laughing  - like when somebody falls in a hole.  It was just mean.

The best thing about the attack was that it  happened as soon as I woke up and during my morning routine whereupon I have hot coffee at arm’s length, an ashtray with a burning hot cigarette on the wash stand (yes, I have a wash stand), and my phone in hand.  Also, the radio on the  AM band where I am learning to accept the new talking-head named Greg Something  as he bellows and argues and taunts some rotten politician or rule or law that I generally also don’t like.  The attack was timely.   It started my day just right.  I love to be attacked in the morning.

So there I was, sucking hard on a hot Winston, blowing satisfying plumes of grey smoke into the bathroom and just reaching for my steaming cup when the phone bloinked and vibrated on the hamper.   Odd and exciting.  I hit the Facebook icon and bam:   Garrett Mikkelson slammed my FB email with a giant, ugly, hateful and most delicious email calling me a “…fucking retarded bitch.."  Naturally, I reeled with pleasure.   What a great way to start the day.   And it just kept getting better.

Garrett is only a virtual acquaintance but I recognized him right away.  A week or so prior I set out to troll some GOP candidate’s Facebook pages.   I landed on the Gingrich page.  I skimmed the usual fan propaganda  -  mostly boring and predictable and I agree with some of it.   Then I saw Garrett, also trolling but with a very different agenda:  Big Ron Paul Fan.  Big, Crazy Ron Paul Fan.  And angry.  Kept spewing frustrations and venom at the Gingrich fans and suggesting that Ron Paul is the only real choice for Commander in Chief and all who think otherwise should die (or, at least, piss off),

“...Its some small things to what our nation needs to get back on our feet. Tell me thats stupid or wrong and you can piss off.” 

Garrett made several other inflammatory and fairly goofy comments on the Gingrich page, most of which were either ignored or summarily dismissed using simple logic.   I have gone back and secured some of the comments so I can enjoy them again at my leisure.   Here’s a good one- in response to an obviously well-read, well spoken Newt fan:

“…you must not fly very much.. Warrantless searches of autos on highways, naked body scanners that cause cancer, participation in illegal arms trade, lightposts that record conversations. It's essentially a headless beast with no elected oversight.”

Wait... light posts that record conversations??  I missed that one the first time.  I guess I need to look  more into Ron Paul and his theories.  He may be more fun than I originally thought instead of just annoying as hell, as I originally thought.   I know, I know.  Paul is not tripping on the same brown acid as my new best friend Garrett.   But still.  Nothing funnier than an extreme conspiracy nut.   <*Footnote* (aka: body note)  Turns out there are reports of these lamp post listening devices being used in other countries.   Not sure if I believe it.  But it almost makes it funnier.>
Garrett  continued his coitus interuptus of the Gingrich orgy,  commenting  about war mongers and despicable candidates like  Gingrich who love fighting wars.  He insisted that this is his Country too and that he has a right to not be drafted or fight in a war,

“America was the reason because of the attacks, im sure this whole entire war was a set up. Its terrible that it's happened. But we must move, Ron paul is the most genuine candidate there is. Its sad that he doesn't get more publicity, because he wins just about every single poll there is. But whenever Cain, Romney or newt win something they bust out the balloons and bring out the band for excitement. This all just makes me sick to my stomach, any you james, need to educate yourself.”

While Garrett’s comments may seem almost too simplistic and benign for any decent person to even consider taunting – and to be clear - I did not taunt him in any way before this morning – he gets way, way more interesting.  Trust me on this.
In spite of my intended troll-only objective, I could not resist a jab or two at Garrett and some others.  I suggested young Garrett would defend his Country if it were truly his,

"Garrett Mikkelson if this were really your country, you would be willing to defend it. "

I replied to another Ron Paul Fan who is also an OWS  supporter,

"Dxxxxx Brown Don't you 'occupy' folks have a City park to clean up?  Oh, wait.. that's right.. working is for the 95% .. you know, the ones that fund all the losers and malingerers."

And then I forgot about it.  I got on with my day.  My week.   I worked.  Cooked.   Slept.  Smoked cigarettes.  I drank coffee.  I celebrated Thanksgiving.   I never once thought about Garrett or the other trolls.  Then, I woke up this morning.  Garrett Mikkelson formally introduced himself to me, up-close and personal.

I’ll post the whole email from Garrett when I’m finished here.  It’s short and violent.  I posted part of it already on Ron Paul’s Facebook page.  And the conspiracy shit-storm began.  Ron Paul

Here..put this on..

fan’s are a distrustful bunch, anxious to share philosophies on gold and silver and greed and minding our own damned business.  It was like throwing a bucket of honey on a picnic table and the ants and flys swarmed it and became a little frenzied.  The rapid-fire responses  began immediately after my posting of Garrett's email and they were urgent - but gentle.   Generally lacking any recognizable grammatical rule,  they eagerly list  suggestions that I join them in the conspiracy party, maybe try on a foil cap and under no circumstance should I save paper dollars in a bank account.

One guy suggested that I may have ‘made the whole thing up,' that the email should be reported to the police, not to Facebook,

“ What you are doing is lowering your credibility to the claim that anyone actually did send you that message.”

Others suggest I immediately call the police and let Zuckerberg know about Garrett’s email.  Because Zuckerberg needs to know, they said.  And I should get Garrett’s IP address and,

“… be sure to save the emails.”

I immediately received a friend request from a Ron Paul Fan.  It was creepy and fun and I couldn’t stop for awhile.  I’m still not finished.  But I’ve got it all on hold until I can think it through and load my .38.
In the meantime, the following is the conversation that started my day:

Garrett Mikkelson:  You're a fucking retarded bitch. Calling occupiers losers?.. and your god damn right i would defend this country.

Me:   huh?

Garrett Mikkelson: Next time watch what you say on public sites.

          Me: or what?

Garrett Mikkelson:  You've just proved your ignorance. Or else i'll find you, cut you up into little pieces then feed you to my dog. Honestly people like you never cease to amaze me. Still living in Indiana?

Photo of Mikkleson

         He must have a pretty big dog

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Engendered Species

Engendered Species:  The result of groups of people with similar physical, socioeconomic or gender characteristics who have collectively formed a social & political vacuum, the likes of which have become the sole focus and purpose of nearly a complete life-cycle from adulthood to death.  These humans are often thought of as intellectually stunted, egocentric, emotionally shallow and whose range of intellectual curiosity is limited to a perceived victimology based on events in the distant past which may or may not have had any direct impact on the human’s current circumstance.  

It’s actually an engendered generation and I have become less and less trustful of the whole thing.  Or maybe it’s that I am just bored with it.    If an adult person’s life is consumed with how people treat them based on whatever.. skin color, gender, sexual preference, religion, then I have to ask;  is it really about the offenders or  is there something intrinsically wrong with the offended(s)?  Not everybody with the same physical, social or gender characteristics are treated poorly nor do they feel victimized by every passing event or circumstance.  So, what's the deal with the others?

I suspect this group is also a bit of an endangered species.  Regular people are less tolerant of the Engendereds and they are dwindling in population.  That could mean one of any number of things:   Either most of them stopped thinking that the world owes them a certain behavior and perhaps realized that their own behavior has more impact on nearly everything in their lives … or that maybe they just got busy living and stopped thinking (and talking) about themselves incessantly.  Or they died.  

The argument, of course, is that they are treated unfairly because they are female, of dark complexion, American Indian, homosexual or even fat (Fat being a choice where the others, I suppose, are not).   Often these folks living in the vacuum of the Engendered Species act or speak in a way that is, if not offensive, at least obnoxious, drawing attention and stares, garnering a host of reactions from eye-rolling to taunting and in severe cases, arrest and imprisonment.   The general consensus of the Engendereds is that people are critical of them not because of this obnoxious behavior but because - you guessed it - they are victims.  I will admit that the characteristics which are  a choice and not circumstance are, on some level, amusing.  For instance, you take up a seat-and-a half on an airplane but you only want to pay for the one seat?  I mean really?

In the 45 years following the U.S. civil rights act of 1964, all manner of evolution, change, maturation, progress, advancement, growth, an epiphanic  come-to-Jesus-ish movement emerged in the United States of America.  Most folks over the age of 12 or 13  were aware, if not impacted by it.  The rest of us were just kids.  Mostly unaware.  Mostly happy.  Mostly color and gender and religion and sexual preference blind (We did still make fun of fat people though).

Do I feel guilty?  No. That it took an act of congress to facilitate decent behavior is a huge, actually monstrously grotesque scar in the history of human beings in general.  I get it, I agree, I know, I know.  Everybody knows.  Mostly though, I am fascinated and encouraged that the years following 1964 produced a species that not only adapted but embraced and celebrated the transformation of nearly an entire planet.   Too slowly in some ways and apocalyptically in others.  But it happened.   That 45 years later there are still people stuck in a time-warp of hate and perceived oppression and self-pity is suspicious.  What's the motive?  And, it's  boring. 

When I do business with people who qualify themselves or their business (or for that matter, any topic discussed) as African American, Gay, Christian, female, Muslim or any moniker other than their proper name or business title, I am immediately inclined to do business elsewhere.   Because, if it’s about that.. I worry that the services I need will take second or third priority.   If I want my clothes dry cleaned or an insurance quote or a bank loan, I don’t actually give a shit whether the human that provides that service is gay, female or dark complected, Christian or Muslim.   And I don’t want to talk about it. 

Cavalier?  Maybe.  I blame it on the Engendered Species.  
I am a victim of the Engendered Species.   I’m bored  with the lot of them.

Okay, so I get that great care should be taken when driving a 4000 pound vehicle where pedestrians are milling around - like the Walmart parking lot.  But seriously.  Get the f##k out of the way.

     I mean is it just me or has the flow of traffic in parking lots taken a turn for the worse?   When 7 cars are stopped for three, very slow, fat, smart-assy pedestrians who would actually be going backwards if they walked any slower, I cannot be the only driver thinking, eff it, hit them.  Or at least honk like hell.

     Courtesy, safety, caution.. I get it.  It just doesn't make sense for 7 cars to stop for 1.5 minutes to wait for these inconsiderate pukes to lolly-gag their asses across the driveway when it would take only 1/2 a  minute for all 7 cars to get past the cross-walk, making it perfectly safe and convenient for the inconsiderate bastards to pedest at their leisure.

Help the Little Guy on the End

My Youtube Channel

Mom is too Cool

My mom now has a blog.  Nevapaints.  It will no doubt be hugely successful and well-read. She is funnier and a much better writer than me.

Working From Home

I wake up most days with the best intentions.  As I consider my options for getting up I fully intend to stretch first thing, then eat some oatmeal.  After that I will head downstairs, jump on the treadmill for 20 minutes and while I'm there, grab the vacuum and do Cob Web Duty which has fallen into my to-do column in recent years.  It used to be in my husband's column but not anymore.  I can throw in some laundry while I am there and then head upstairs to plan two more healthy meals for the day.  After a shower and all the attending moisturizing, hair and make-up, brush, floss and water-pic, I will race up the steps to my office, put on some great tunes and get a strong start on a good,  busy, productive day.
Once every few months, this scenario actually unfolds.  Most days I just get up and light a cigarette, get some good strong coffee with half-n-half, check my Facebook and get lost in some internet fascination.   By 11 AM I have usually squeezed in a tooth brushing, face washing and hell, I showered last night so how bad can I be? Chicken strips and ranch dressing and up to work I go.